Bad Days

Dear blog diary,

The bad days are really hard. I feel so alone sometimes. I know this is the stupidest thing, but I try so hard to meet knew people and try so hard to fit in with groups that it makes it 10 times harder when I'm rejected. I am a grade a loner. Personal space is a must...but when you have a baby you never get that. Something or someone is always touching you and it is literally making my skin crawl. So getting away for an hour or two is wanted and needed, but never happens. Do u know what the longest time I've spent away from my son since he has been born...and hour..we cosleep so he's still there at night.  Loving my kid is easy, he's perfect to me, but liking him is a different story sometimes. Having my son put me in a totally different ball park of groups and let me tell you mom social media is vicious. I reach out and ask questions on Twitter and not one mom will respond (and I know they are out there...watching...waiting...) the Facebook group pages are like level 50 raids with evil dragon queens at the end saying YEEE SHALL NOT PASETH THE ENTER BUTTON IF THEE DOES NOT CLOTH DIAPER AND DELIVER ALL NATURALLY....-_- like I just wanted to know what kind of diapers target had on sale that week...I hate this new group of people I have to fit into. Whenever I go to mom support groups it's a competition to see who's baby is learning the quickest and who's baby is the biggest. I am also usually the youngest there. Maybe this is why so many moms get post partum depression. Literally the only people I can talk to about momming are people who delivered a baby over 20+ years ago and according to them..im doing everything wrong and my favorite line  "oh we didn't do that when I had my kids". Well good for you Susie..you get a fucking cookie.

I just want to be the best mom for my son and this past week has been so hard. I know I'll look back at this post and wish for him to be little again and wish my biggest problem was the mean moms or the interwebs,  but right now I hate being a new mom.

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