Between The Lines

I am a big memory person. I remember every feeling, every thought, and every hope a big situation in my life brought me. I can't just let stuff go. I try, but it only works for so long. Wishing to forget the past is a hard thing to get a grip on. The past is what makes us who we are, but I feel like it such a hard thing to let go of but still hold on to the lesson. For instance, I am a huge creeper like internet stalker times 10. That's a huge embarrassing confession, but it's honest, but here's the kicker I don't do anything with the information I find nor care for it. I just want to know that people from my past are alive and how their lives are going. I creep people that I've literally never said a word to in my life, just simply went to the same high school with. 🙈 I hate me sometimes. The memories that hurt are the people I actually talked to. You could say I'm hung up on the past, but if someone asked me if I wanted to go back I'd say hell no.

How do I become happy with my life? I read and read about all these people who hated their life so they simply quit their jobs sold all their shit and  started over. Well I'm married, no job, and 1 kid. I can't do those things. I depend on my husband for stability and my son depends on me for well every thing else. Post partum depression is real and it hits you at the weirdest times. You would think at 10 months I would have my shit together, but I can't help but think of all the ways my life has changed. I can't just go hangout with friends or just think about myself. Everything has to be planned out. I love my son so much and I would probably literally die of heartache if he weren't around, but I am genuinely a sad person now a days. I wish someone cared about me the way I care about my son and my husband's well being.  Eh this is all I have time to write. Well honestly it's all the energy I have to write. Maybe I'll come back and be a little happ