Between The Lines

Loneliness and anger just keep building I am in a cage with the door wide open I want to run and never look back I want to give up and let go I wish I had listen to everyone I can't believe how ignorant I am But I guess that's what I am I'm easy I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy Even if it cost me my own happiness I can't pretend any longer I can't do the work all by myself any longer But I'll keep doing it I want to be selfish now I want to pursue my dreams I want to live where I choose I want help when I ask for it I want someone to support me mentally not financially But I can't because I'm trapped In Rock bottom.

My friend Paige had me thinking about something from her blog. If I was 16 and you asked me where I saw my self at almost 24 years old I would never picture this, but doesn't everyone say that. If you are one of those people who thought in 10 years I'm gonna be doing this and this and be here and have this and actually got all that then thank the good Lord above. ( woo the grammar in that sentence lol) I feel like nobody actually gets where they thought they were gonna be. I was raised in the church and everyone told me " if ya want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"...God was probably having a heart attack when I thought I was gonna be with my "lover" at the time and be a nurse and be a marine and also semi famous. I was going to have a farm and never have kids (yuck hate those lil ankle biters) Fun fact 16 year old me that boy is using you, you hate caring for other people, you can't run for shit, and you hate people again, animals are expensive,

Dear computer technology journal diary thing that maybe someone will see someday when I'm dead. Life is genuinely scary...like I'm scared to leave my house scary. People are crazy and I believe the world needs a new disease to wipe out a large group of people....thats how I feel about the world. On the plus side of that morbidness I do have hope. I have hope that maybe the good days will out way the bad. There are more sane good people in the world then there are crazy lunatics. That at the end of the day when someone does you wrong you still do right, because come on that's what Jesus would do. I will forever be shocked by the things that go on in this world. I pray and hope the young man I'm raising is strong, respectful, and has an open mind about things. I hope he has the courage to stand up to people who can't stand up for  themselves. I hope he respects other peoples differences that make them so unique. I will raise my son as a Christian believer. We will g