Loneliness

Today, is the first day I am truly alone. As in my child, I, and our 6 cats our without the man of the house. NOW,  this is something I've dealt with before. Being an Army Wife..(Oh did I mention that?) I am accustomed to being alone. However, this is the first time I am alone with our son and no family around.

What is one to do with life..with a 6 month old baby and in a weird state you don't call home. Well I'll tell ya what to do ( more like offer...im not leader) NOTHING. I am going to do what I do every day, just like any other time. I will clean, I will work in the garden, and I will take my son to his ridiculously  over priced mommy and me play classes. The days will go on just like any other days, but the nights however those will be hard.

See the front door that he usually comes through at 7ish..well ok 8ish (thanks army) won't be open. Dinner won't be on the table and this means dishes won't be in The sink The computer in the man cave won't be on. Family Guy won't be on in the background. His boots won't be left in the middle of the floor.

It's funny how all the stuff I want to go away when he is here...i just want to come back when he is gone. It's a one day at a time kind of thing and now I know why nobody says one night at a time. This life that drives me crazy with how routine it is, is also my rock with how routine it is. I need stability in my life. The greatest stability right now is my little family. Sadly, my little family is not together.They say distance makes the heart grow fonder (blah blah blah cheesy freaking stuff). It's just not true. What grows is all the stuff you let get so small. The things you fell in love with that after 5 years of being together turned into annoying things. They turn back in to love when that person leaves . I miss my annoying partner so much.

So on that morbid depressing note
I am going to do what I just read about on my bestfriends Paige's Blog (I swear I would link it if I knew how) and go take a hot shower and wash the day away and prep for the night to come.

P.s. I know this was rambely and all over then place. I'm to sad to do a coherent thing today so meh

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 Things That Help Me Be Productive

So this is gonna be one of those post/blog that maybe someone will get some use out of. Sometimes I feel so bad because I don't do anything. I don't work or go to school. I just stay home and take care or my kid. (Let's be honest though daycare is way to much) anyway, I can tell when I haven't been productive because I feel sluggish and useless and I really get depressed. So these are things I do that hopefully you can do to help you. 10: GET A PLANNER: Now before you say I have nothing to write in a planner,  I don't ever actually use it, or i use it for like a month and then never touch it again. I did everyone of those things above.  9.  WRITE WHAT YOU DO IN A DAY IN THAT PLANNER: it helps me feel so much more productive by just actually using the planner. I write every mundane thing down. Like I took shower, I did the dishes, I read in my book. And by the end of the week I can see everything I did. Sometimes just taking a shower is an accomplishment for me som
Read more

Bad Days

Dear blog diary, The bad days are really hard. I feel so alone sometimes. I know this is the stupidest thing, but I try so hard to meet knew people and try so hard to fit in with groups that it makes it 10 times harder when I'm rejected. I am a grade a loner. Personal space is a must...but when you have a baby you never get that. Something or someone is always touching you and it is literally making my skin crawl. So getting away for an hour or two is wanted and needed, but never happens. Do u know what the longest time I've spent away from my son since he has been born...and hour..we cosleep so he's still there at night.  Loving my kid is easy, he's perfect to me, but liking him is a different story sometimes. Having my son put me in a totally different ball park of groups and let me tell you mom social media is vicious. I reach out and ask questions on Twitter and not one mom will respond (and I know they are out there...watching...waiting...) the Facebook group page
Read more

Facts to Know

10 Facts About Me: 10. I love Reading. I would insert some generic quote about reading here, but I feel that is a little try to hard to make you believe I am a reader. 9. Historical fiction is my favorite genre anything. 8. My husband, my son, and I all have middle names that start with M and we think its awesome. Probably more awesome then it really is, but hey ya gotta get your laughs somehow #cheapcomedy 7. I love cats. Like way to much. I will not specify how many cats I own for fear of judgment....ahahaha just kidding I own 6. So now that we got that out there, just know I will choose my cats over other human interaction any day of the week 6. I hate Religion. I literally grew up in church and I hate how it makes people. I LOVE MY FAITH. I love the good lord above and let my knees hit the ground every night before bed. I am still coming to learn about my faith in the Lord. Its a journey 5. I love spaghetti and Toast. I also weigh 130 pounds. I have no idea how because
Read more